I’m kind of a yes man. I must admit, I like to say Yes whenever I can. Sometimes I can’t really get away with it, as I say yes too much and things go out the window fast. I’ve tried to be more of a yes man at work, and at my home. My human nature just wants to say now, and close the doors, and one of my favorite bands screams in my ear to “Burn it down and walk away” and on several occasions in my career I have wanted to just “burn it down” and instead I sit there and let the calming chill fill my veins.

I thank my father for the ice water to progress through situations that frustrate me. I hate it. Sometimes I want to explode, but instead I just grab a pencil or a pen and I go to town.

My mother told me a few things about work. She told me to say yes whenever I could. Seriously, if the boss says “mop that goop” I mop the goop. This helped me out on one night in particular.

It was Halloween night back in 2001 or 2000…I can’t remember. I was working at the Casket Store (California Casket Company) and it was 5:30 pm. I had plans to go to a Halloween bash later that night with some of my friends. The bash had a few of my favorite bands playing a halloween horror showcase, and I really wanted to go. The clock was ticking, the night had fallen upon the city, and the store was empty. I was listening to KROQ, the standard Rock station in Los Angeles, and was counting the minutes. That’s when things got out of control….

My boss rushed in, a heavy set man of Jewish background (I say that only for illustration, as stereotypes fuel my imagination), and he was sweating and told me of an emergency.

“Can you help me Jorge?”

Uh…how?

“We need to get to the funeral home and move a body from one casket to a new casket. The funeral home damaged the customers previous casket. Then we have to burn the older casket, because it is illegal to sell the used one.”

Um…how long will that take?

“Ten minutes tops…”

Ten minutes?

I thought about it for a moment and said yes. I remembered my mom’s words, and since the time frame was going to take 10 minutes, I figured it wasn’t long. (The funeral home is close by) We high tailed it out of the shop to the funeral home and ran into the sobbing family. Time for me was of the essence, but a grieving family, and my “yes man” mentality forced me into sticking around for longer than expected.

My friends had abandoned me at this point, but I didn’t care.

I sat there in the darkness of a Funeral Home with My boss, waiting for the embalmer to rise from his downstairs layer, and I prayed.

My prayers sometimes come in the form of poetic prose, and they are usually selfish in nature, but while working at the Casket Store I didn’t pray for myself. The harsh reality of death, the smell of embalming fluid, and the risk of lawsuit were greater than my petty sins or concerns. The time came, my boss and I lifted dead weight (literally) from casket to casket.

You are never as heavy as you are when you are dead. Take heart in knowing that while you’re alive, you’re lighter than when you’re dead and filled with fluids. It’s sad. I’ve moved a lot of bodies, this man was the heaviest man I’ve ever tried to lift. Dead weight, no help except my boss. The fluids leaked out, I had no gloves, I was grossed out, but had to lift, and then we set him down.

The velvet is no match for anything I’ve ever slept in. I wanted a casket, but that is for a later time. We left the body there, we moved the old casket to the back of our van. We sat for a moment in the darkness of the night, a used casket in the back.

This is life?

This is death?

I think about those times when I am frustrated at my current job. I get frustrated by a plethora of things. I want things to run with the legs of a corporation, but wear the mask of virtue of independent ownership. I want to cut my tie in half and be the best that I can be…but at the same time I feel the sting of carelessness, misunderstanding, and the love for a sport that seems fit only for the rich.

I was with death. I held it in my hands. I am alive forever, and yet I feel the death of yesterday today.

I am trying to sew the seeds of contentment and humility…hoping that the combination will not kill me. I’ve never been challenged so greatly to be this person that I am, until I shut my mouth and let wisdom in. I may have no friends, I may be in a foreign city, but I can never be truly alone. A shadow is constantly on me, and the words that flow out of the mouth of the shepherd guide my rebellious spirituality, messy as it seems, I am confined to my crux.

I am the Yes man. For I see the light of my answers in the weight of the negative infrastructure that says ME, I and myself.

I say no quietly. Hanging my head in shame, when I realize that the world burns at the writing of my thoughts. My eyes distressed, my head hurting, my brain swelling, my understanding shaken into the coffins of my desires.

I went to school for this?

I ask myself as I sit at the bottom of Everest. My partner staring upwards too…my photographer documenting things in one thousand word instances…this is who I am? This is who I’ll be?

I’m torn…I’m burdened…I’m welcomed in my distress…I’m discarded when convenient. I’m blamed for lack of a scapegoat.

Oh yes…there will be Blood….but I’ll make sure to mop it up when I am done, and quit when I feel tired…

I’ve been running for so long, my gas tank will run out soon….and I will then burn it down and walk away.

No Remorse, No praise, No compromise.