01.29Parabola
There are some things that just don’t come easy. It seemed for a while there that everything online was coming way too easy for me. Making money online, writing, coming up with posts for about ten blogs, being the all around prolific blogger that I dreamed about, and then it all crashed.
It has crashed to a point where I have gone through some crazy scenarios in my head.
What once was my dream, is now just a side note to the musical collaborations between the Zune in my pocket and the thoughts that no one reads or hears.
A closet filled with toys, a notebook full of lined paper, with BIC pen drawings of my chickens with suits on, and that’s all that’s left of my creativity?
I went to Art School. I spent 4 years learning how to be creative for money, and now that I sit in an office, I feel that my creations are nothing more than marketing ploys and ill fated attempts to sell things that people may or may not need.
I can’t afford them.
The Irony is hilarious when thinking about that. How is it that I can come up with advertising and creative ways of displaying emotional connections in a world that is fast moving, with such a slow moving example of what to buy.
I feel used, but the bills, they have no feelings, and my student loans care not that I feel so drained, so burned out, so depressed sometimes.
The directions that I’m going are so safe, and the illusion that is case in the safety net of my employment is only forcing me to rely on my fabrications to sew myself a pocket in a paper bag.
It’s not my fault.
I can stop crying now.
The sad parade ends here, but what is a parade that no one sees? What is an event that no one attends?
Creativity is a jar, one that never is filled, one that can be tapped into, poured out and sold for a price….my price is set, with no future manifest….just building up dust as the cold creeps in to steal my American dream.
Further Reading- Post-Birthday Post
- Senses Fail
- It’s All Worthwhile
- Explanations
- No Dad No Problem
- Day and Night
- A Few Dreams
I think you focus on the numbers too much… whether it’s traffic or money, having low numbers doesn’t mean people don’t appreciate what you do.
Be strong!
Zhu’s last blog post..Things That Suck
January 30th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
i hear ya.
but the conflict makes great art.
sir jorge’s last blog post..Parabola
January 31st, 2008 at 5:56 am