I always am first to try to say that my job sucks, or that my life is rough. But there’s always times that magnify things to one side or the other. Today I was thinking about one such time, and really, there’s nothing that compares to the task that I was asked to work on while being a video store on one fateful night. My job now doesn’t even come close to sucking when compared to this cataclysmic event.

I was at the store, doing what I do best, standing around looking like an idiot, and I got a phone call from the owner. He wanted me to clean up the adult section. I figured that was a job for the new guy, but instead he asked me to do it. I didn’t know what I was in for at all. He asked me to take a roll of paper towels, and some windex and get to work on the adult section, making sure to wipe all the dvd boxes, clean the shelves row by row and then place the dvd’s back on the clean shelves. I tried to wiggle my way out of it, citing that it was going to take forever and if there were a lot of customers, they would be annoyed at how slow the new guy was. He said that the new guy could call me out if he needed help. It was a weeknight, so it wasn’t like the place was jumping with customers. So I got to work. I went to the back got the supplies and ventured into the dark recesses that was the Adult entertainment section.

First and foremost, there is a big conflict that is presented here. I have convictions that would tell me that just being in that area is wrong, but it is my job and well God understands, or else my faith is wrong…which is for another time and place. I call it adult, but lets face it, it’s a diehard porno section with naked chicks, fetishes that aren’t really my cup of tea, and lots and lots of male flesh. Sure, if it were all softcore, and just tasteful pictures, maybe I could get away with it being art, but nope…this was hardcore! We’re talking about hairy chicks, fat chicks, Seymour butts, Max Hardcore, Anal destruction (I’m sorry to those more conservative readers), long dong silver, rocco’s bed time tales, chocolate factory, and any other combination of pornographic material on dvd and vhs that you could think of, and there I was face to face…or penis or butt in the case of some of the more graphic box covers, and I had to clean these things individually.

The size of the room is roughly bigger than a medium size bedroom, or better yet the size of an average living room. Wall to wall dvd and vhs porn and NO one in the history of the company had ever cleaned the shelves or the boxes. We’re talking mountains of dust everywhere, so I got to work. I started from the first row and worked my way through four hours of meticulous cleaning, trying to not focus on the box art, and trying to tell myself that I needed to just get through this for the sake of my job, and that someone out there is having a worse time for minimum wage.

I finished the task, and managed to not freak out too many adult shoppers, but along the way I had a few giggles. No, not from the mountains of porno, but rather what I found left behind there. We’re talking about candy bars, milk cartons, condoms, a screw driver, and some ice cream. Yep, people weren’t exactly respecting the place, and why should they? Before I got in there, the place was a dirty and obscure section of our video store. Not to say that the rest of the store was meticulous or clean by any stretch of the imagination, but this wasn’t exactly calling the highest class of clients that you could imagine. In fact, there was a lot of seedy characters back there.

Not all of course, because I am reminded of a lonely house wife that pulled me aside and asked me what I would recommend for her. She told me that her husband was away on business and that she felt lonely with her kids gone on a sleepover and she just needed some release. I unfortunately was conflicted, but managed to recommend something a little more tasteful in terms of pornography and she seemed to take my advice and I didn’t hear complaints.

But back to the task at hand, cleaning the area was not fun. It wasn’t boring though, because my brain was firing off on all barrels. I was thinking, laughing, and overall working at my fullest potential. It was weird, because I was getting paid next to nothing, I had cameras watching my every movement, and yet I felt like I was suppose to work like a slave somehow…and I did.

Now I sit in an office, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the simple demands of this job, but am now reflecting on some of the other things I’ve been asked to do in the past, and really don’t feel so bad after all. I mean, this job does beat cleaning the porn department on a weekly basis, or putting back thousands of dvd’s all day and night.

However, to save my memories of the video store, I loved being a video store clerk. I miss it so much, and wish it truly paid the same as a career in technology. It might just be my way of looking back with fond memories, rather than considering the doldrums that video store work had. I mean, this site was created as an antithesis of what I was experiencing at the time, and it continues to progress into territories of media boredom that I just can’t shake.

I guess no matter what, someone out there has it a lot more rough than I do. Even my greatest complaint doesn’t match the moment that I had to start the long hard (sorry for the pun) road of cleaning that porn section. I guess in a lot of ways that experience desensitized me from the arena of adult content, it’s a non factor to me.